How to Make Your Wife Feel Loved
Make her feel beautiful. It is a safe bet that all women (and men, for that matter) like being made to feel attractive by the person they love. Never assume she knows you still find her as lovely as the day you married her — tell her. A lot.[9]
Don’t get caught looking at other women, as this can send a bad message. Just as importantly, get caught looking at her from time to time. Let her feel your eyes on her when she tries on that new dress, or even when she’s in sweats for that matter. It the timing is right (probably not in public) and you know she will appreciate it, go over-the-top and give her a catcall or wolf-whistle.
Never, ever, compare her negatively to the appearance of another woman, or even an old picture of herself. She knows that over the years, some parts of her have changed shape or shifted positions. Let her know that you find the beauty in her as she is now.
Prioritize her with your actions. “Women and children first” may be an outdated concept in some quarters, but prioritizing your wife’s needs is not. Do whatever is in your power to ease her burden. Nobody said love was easy, or came without work or sacrifice.[10]
While "old-fashioned gentleman" notions like holding open doors and pulling out chairs may or may not be appreciated, gestures clearly intended as signs of attention, respect, and affection likely will be. Much depends upon how you portray your efforts. Don’t carry in the groceries or pump the gas for her because you don’t think she can do it. Do them to make her day that tiny bit easier. Do them with a smile, not a grumble.
Especially if your wife speaks the "love language" of "acts of service," making the effort to prioritize her needs and her comfort should be particularly effective.[11] You are also likely to earn admiration, and it is easier to feel loved by someone you admire.[12]
Creating a Loving Environment
Listen to her, and really listen. No, not all women are the same, but it is probably safe to assume that your wife wants you to at least occasionally just sit down and listen to her vent, complain, brag, gossip, revel, question, or simply talk.[13]
Dr. John Gottman advises spouses to "turn toward each other" in a more figurative sense, but it is also a good first step for truly listening.[14] Look at your wife when she wants to talk. Keep eye contact. Turn off the TV. Put away your phone. Listen more than you speak, unless she's seeking a response. It is always a good feeling to know that someone is truly interested in what you have to say, however mundane or ridiculous it may be.
Listen without trying to fix everything. Sometimes your wife, like everyone else, just wants a sounding board. She might want to vocalize and work through a problem with a co-worker, for instance, and what she needs is a supportive face to look at, not for you to call the office the next day to "set things straight." Being attentive is often the best way to be supportive, which is critical to solving problems that originate both inside and outside the marriage.[15]
Make her feel beautiful. It is a safe bet that all women (and men, for that matter) like being made to feel attractive by the person they love. Never assume she knows you still find her as lovely as the day you married her — tell her. A lot.[9]
Don’t get caught looking at other women, as this can send a bad message. Just as importantly, get caught looking at her from time to time. Let her feel your eyes on her when she tries on that new dress, or even when she’s in sweats for that matter. It the timing is right (probably not in public) and you know she will appreciate it, go over-the-top and give her a catcall or wolf-whistle.
Never, ever, compare her negatively to the appearance of another woman, or even an old picture of herself. She knows that over the years, some parts of her have changed shape or shifted positions. Let her know that you find the beauty in her as she is now.
Prioritize her with your actions. “Women and children first” may be an outdated concept in some quarters, but prioritizing your wife’s needs is not. Do whatever is in your power to ease her burden. Nobody said love was easy, or came without work or sacrifice.[10]
While "old-fashioned gentleman" notions like holding open doors and pulling out chairs may or may not be appreciated, gestures clearly intended as signs of attention, respect, and affection likely will be. Much depends upon how you portray your efforts. Don’t carry in the groceries or pump the gas for her because you don’t think she can do it. Do them to make her day that tiny bit easier. Do them with a smile, not a grumble.
Especially if your wife speaks the "love language" of "acts of service," making the effort to prioritize her needs and her comfort should be particularly effective.[11] You are also likely to earn admiration, and it is easier to feel loved by someone you admire.[12]
Creating a Loving Environment
Listen to her, and really listen. No, not all women are the same, but it is probably safe to assume that your wife wants you to at least occasionally just sit down and listen to her vent, complain, brag, gossip, revel, question, or simply talk.[13]
Dr. John Gottman advises spouses to "turn toward each other" in a more figurative sense, but it is also a good first step for truly listening.[14] Look at your wife when she wants to talk. Keep eye contact. Turn off the TV. Put away your phone. Listen more than you speak, unless she's seeking a response. It is always a good feeling to know that someone is truly interested in what you have to say, however mundane or ridiculous it may be.
Listen without trying to fix everything. Sometimes your wife, like everyone else, just wants a sounding board. She might want to vocalize and work through a problem with a co-worker, for instance, and what she needs is a supportive face to look at, not for you to call the office the next day to "set things straight." Being attentive is often the best way to be supportive, which is critical to solving problems that originate both inside and outside the marriage.[15]
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